Secret Diary Of Sarah Baker Strictly Private
by FussleFloosh
Summary: Find out what lifes really like with twelve siblings, a workoholic dad and a mother who jets of on a booktour. Chaos ensures that my friends is inevitable.
1. Chapter 1: Were Moving

Diary of Sarah Baker (Hands Off)

Dear Diary,

Today we found out were moving house, I wasn't too bothered until I found out we were leaving midland. My life is here, I have friends here, mums reply to that was well hunny you'll keep in touch and you'll make new friends she always try's to make us look on the Brightside. Well there's no bright side to this, I spent the afternoon with Jake he seemed pretty bummed out to he'll miss his mates most I think. I get along with Jake most out of all of my siblings he's like my best friend, most girls don't get me because I'm into sports and not make up like them, but I'm used to that. Kim and Jessica are cool too only when there not in bookworm mode or being know-it-alls. The other sibling I get along with is Mike he's a little daredevil, he went parachuting with a pillow case of the top of the shed, ok so he had his leg in plaster and two broken ribs but he never complained. Now the most annoying sibling in my life is Lorraine god I could kill her she's one of those girls who spend practically their whole life in front of a mirror and they have to spend 20 minutes applying lip gloss. We don't get along we never have never will; I hate her guts she hates mine end of story there. I'm ok with my other siblings I guess, Marks kind of annoying but I have to put up with him. Well I got to go down for dinner, Nora isn't coming again she's moving into her new apartment with that doorknob Hank.

Sarah


	2. 2:00Am

Dear Diary,

Its 2:00am and I can't sleep were moving tomorrow morning and I'm stuck sleeping on a mattress. Everyone's asleep apart from Jakes he's been sitting on the windowsill for about an hour staring at his reflection; he really doesn't want to move. Kyle and Nigel went to bed about 6 hours ago after they finished fighting over who used the toilet first. Then Kim, Jess, Mark and Mike went to bed not long after even Henry, Charlie and Lorraine are asleep now, so are mum and dad probably. I'm tired just writing this but Jake seems wide awake, no one else can tell he's taken this badly, not even mum. Everyone tried to get mum and dad to stay in Midland, but they wouldn't this is so unfair, we don't even get a say in it. Well its 2:07 am now so I better get to bed seeing as I am meant to be getting up at 7:00am sharp.

Sarah


	3. On The Road

Dear Diary,

Well we officially no longer live in midland sorry if the writings a little hard to read. I'm in the car and its kind of cramped Kim and Jessica had to bring half a dozen books in the car with them, then you had Lorraine with her make-up and magazines. Henry wanted to bring his clarinet in, but I told mum if he did I'd sit on the roof or put on my skates and tie myself to the back of the car. I'm so bored, I've been sat in this damn car for 5 hours and all I've heard is moaning. "Mum, dad we need the toilet" or "mum, dad can we get something to eat" or "mum, tell dad to stop driving over bumps its making me mess up my lip gloss". Honestly I'd rather be listening to a lecture on germs.

Sarah


	4. New House

Dear Diary,

Its been two days since we've moved into the new house, i have to say i had to do a double take when i saw the house. It was huge and the best thing is we all get our owns rooms, well besides the twins but there good with that. My room is next to Mike's and directly across from Jake's, which means if we get grounded its easy to hop from room to room. Henry, Charlie and Lorraine are in the oposite wing of the house and Jess , Kim, kyle and Nigel are in another wing at the front of the house. Then Mark's room is in the tower, dunno what his room looks like yet thou, haven't been up that not that he'd let me or anyone for that matter. I spent yesterday decorating and putting all my stuff in my room, i painted it a light green colour. Jake's was a dark blue coz mum wouldn't let him have black and Mike's is a light orange. It was so funny painting we ended up having a paint fight, then dad came in the room and i acidently chucked orange paint at him. Well unfortunatly that earned me, Mike and Jake dinner duty with mum that night.

The only new people we've met, is Dylan his dad shank and his over protective i'm so perfect with my perfect little family mother Tina. Him, Mike and Jake were playing roller hockey upstairs and he didn't stop and fell over the banister and grabbed onto the shandilir. Dad went running up to get him and they both ended up swinging around in mid air. Then it started to give way so mum caught Dylan and then dad fell to the floor. I'd be lying if i said i didn't find it funny, the guy invited us to his birthday party too (his mum wasn't particularly happy but who cares). So thats all that happened so far, Later,

Sarah


	5. Complainning

Dear Diary,

Dad is hardly home anymore, he always out, its like her never has anytime for his family anymore and i'm sick of it and i'm not the only person who is either. He said we'd be happy here, yeah right if this is happy i'm Lorraine, this move was never about us its always been about him and mum having what they want. Jake's not as down as he was but he's still having a hard time at school, he's constantly getting into fights with these two lads called Cooper and Quinn. I'd help out but i'm not in the same school, sucks i know. Mum's going on a book tour for a few days, so dads going to be looking after us, well if you can call it looking after he's probaly gonna shove us of onto Nora and the doorknob. Their suppose to be coming around sometime to sort out details, something about sleeping i wasn't really listening.

I gave up on my algerba homework hours ago, i only came to this school like 2 days ago and they give me homework up to my ears its ridiculas. Hopefully i can bribe Henry into helping me later, well mum's calling a "family" meeting.

Sarah


	6. Bye Mum

Dear Diary,

This sucks mums just left and now dads trying to be Mr cool, which he also sucks at, he was like "little vampire my plan has worked" yeah right. Then he tried to bribe us off on sweets and sugar, that ain't going to work either dad. For saying mum's only just left the house has gone insane. Last time i checked Mike was absailing down from one of the turrets, Henry was blasting his saxophone through the house and Nigel and Kyle were having a mud fight outside. Jake's locked himself in his room blasting Simple Plans, "I'm just a kid" and Jess and Kimmy are in there room no doubt studying. Charlie's talking to Beth, he's been on the phone for ages, he spends more time on the phone than Lorraine and thats saying something. Ahh Lorraine she's has some groupies already, Stacey and Kelly the three of them are like clones! I hope mum gets back soon the house is a tip and dad is never home, at this rate it will be us cooking dinner, joy. Charlie Bakers Burnt sausages, Lorraine's fabulas lumpy mash and Henry's sloppy beans, i can hardly wait.

Well anyway i'm off to drag Jake out of his pit to go take Gunner for a walk, bye.

Sarah.


	7. Complete Mayhem

Dear Diary,

Things have got really hectic since mum left, dad's lost control of us all and the house is a complete and utter tip. Things got so bad dad had to call Nora over to help, even though she stormed out last week, after the little accident with Hank and his underpants. But really it's out of control I mean Mike was hanging from the roof, Nigel was using Kim as a human dart board and Jake got a bucket stuck on Kim's head. Add to that the fact the house looked as a cyclone had just passed through and you pretty much have world war three going off over here.

I had an argument with dad earlier on, he was moaning at me to unload the dishwasher, which may I add I deserve compensation for as I burn myself on Mike's stupid hockey cup. I told him that no one else did chores in the neighbourhood and he replied "well we're not like any other family in the neighbourhood" so I got into this big debate about why do we live here then, which only got him more angry, so I decided on quitting while I still had an allowance. Anyway then the twins came down, Jessica ranting on about how Nigel had chucked a dart at Kim and cut her head open. That's when dad tried to be mom again and do more than one thing at once, which led to as Jessica put it "this goo is on fire". Then to make things worse, well disgustingly worse, heavy on the disgusting side, Kyle came down and puked. Yes ladies and gentleman he puked and, boy did that boy puke. Then guess what, you're not going to believe this but Henry came running in and fell in it. And then for the ultimate finale Henry pukes up, let's just say after that no one was in a hurry for dinner today.

In other news the chandelier did not get fixed, as dad was carrying Kim, her legs hit into Jessica and then she knocked the ladder, resulting in the ugly dude loosing his balance and falling off. Honestly that chandelier is a health hazard, we've been in the house for what two weeks and it's already caused two injuries.

Oh and before I forget how can I forget school, yes wonderful fantastic school, if only it was that. Its absolutely horrible and unfair I got into trouble for starting on a kid who started on Henry, because he has a big family, while the kid who started it all got of scot-free. Anyways I'm going to go now as I have a history essay to bribe the twins to write and brothers to drag to the skate park.

Later

Sarah


	8. Grounded

Dear Diary,

I'm GROUNDED yes folks Sarah Baker is grounded yet again, and this time it sucks big time, we're not allowed to Dylan's birthday party. Hello we've already spent allowance buying him presents, but dad won't listen. He gave us this huge lecture on how we're fighting at school and slacking on our chores, honestly.

Well you're probably wondering what we did to get grounded, well lets start of with my incident, it wasn't even that big, the bold dude (our principal) blew it all out of proportion. Anyway on with my story I was sitting at lunch with this girl I met in my physics class called Emily. She's really nice and extremely smart, not the normal crowd of people I hang with, but she's cool. Well this gang of girls known as the G Girls, why might you ask, it's simple. It's made up of four girls; all of those names are beginning with the letter G. Gabriella is the ring leader and as stuck up as they come, she looks like a miniature Malibu Barbie doll. Gabriella is one of those girls who acts much older than she actually is, she sits there in class talking about how she goes to senior parties with her sisters and how older guys like her. Yeah right they probably just take sympathy on the poor kid. Next inline in Gabby, her name should be changed to Goby, she never shuts up and she reckons she all this, those she mostly all talk. Genna is the know it all of the group, though she dumbs herself down to stay as they class it un-cool to be smart. Gem I can't really say anything bad about at the current time, as I haven't really experienced what she was like, though apparently she's not as bad as the others. Well back on track I was sitting with Emily and they came up and started saying how out of fashion she was, and how she looked like a walking jumble sale. Then I got annoyed and started mouthing them back, ok maybe it wasn't the best thing to do, but hey they started it. Then the cliff notes version my fist accidentally collided into her shoulder, as she through her milkshake at me, the rest is self explanatory.

My siblings day was worse, Jake decided to confront the kids who had been bullying Mark, and it turned into a full on fight between the two of them and the Baker clan. According to Jake he managed to give Cooper a black eye, whilst the others dealt with Quinn. Dad got called into school and their head gave them pretty much the same talk, he'd had an hour ago with me. When we all got home Kyle and Nigel were already there with Charlie, who stormed out as soon as dad walked through the door, mumbling about some stupid college jocks. Then he grounded us all and sent us up to our rooms, and that's pretty much all that's happened to day.

Well that's all for now

Sarah


	9. Sneaking Out

Dear Diary

This is only going to be a short entry, I promise to update later as I'm going to have a lot of spare time to do so, whilst being grounded again. It Dylan's birthday today and I can here the music from over here, classical I mean hello he's twelve not thirty two, but heck a party's a party and I for one don't plan on missing it. I've managed to round the gang up into going to, though the twins took a little more persuading, but they eventually caved.

As we speak, well as I write, Jake, Henry and Mike are knotting up one of Mike's abseiling ropes; I take it we'll all be hanging from the roof today. Kim and Jessica have finished wrapping up the presents with help from the twins, though I wouldn't exactly call it help. They managed to cello tape themselves together and stick the curtain to the wall.

Dad's pre occupied by his football team who have currently taken to inhabiting the house, so he won't notice for at least an hour if not longer. Well I'm out now, have a birthday party to crash.

Sarah


	10. Party Crashing

Dear Diary

I'm officially grounded yet again, remember I said we were going to go crash Dylan's birthday party, well we did. Tina opened the door all cheery and smiling until she noticed it was us and it was "oh it's you" honestly terrible hostess. Anyway it was cool minus all the old dudes, they had a moon bounce, but things seemed a little too organized. Jake suggested grabbing the football he'd brought him, Tina objected but Dylan ignored her, hey there's a first for everything.

Mikey made a bit of a hiccup as when he grabbed the present from the bottom of the pile, he knocked Mark's present off from top. I knew Mark would get him something completely out of the ordinary, but a Brazilian Mud Viper. Well as you can probably guess everybody freaked out big time. With all the commotion over there, I guess dad knew something had gone of and after finding we weren't upstairs, he put two and two together.

He brought the football team with him, but by this time people were panicking and screaming, whilst Kim and Jessica were sampling Red Rosetta wine. Nigel and Kyle were trying to start a food fight by throwing cucumber sandwiches at the guests. Jake and Mike were still playing football and I was in the moon bounce. Dad got his lackey's to grab all of us, while he headed to get me off. He put on his I'm the serious dad tone and told me to get of, to which I objected and he climbed into the moon bounce. Yes lady's and gents he went into the moon bounce, I think he may of claimed the world reckon of oldest on there.

Unfortunately whilst dad was attempting to catch me, someone rushing past knocked one of the bollards onto the air tunnel. Soon enough the moon bounce began to rise and I slide down the side into the corner, along with two other guys, I had known to call Jeff and Luc. Dad meanwhile was right onto of the growing mountain like moon bounce. In a matter of seconds it exploded and balls went flying everywhere, it was actually pretty fun being launched through the air. Luckily I was caught by one of the team, as were the others, aside from one who managed to fall backwards over the small wall. Dad on the other hand accidentally landed onto of Dylan, honestly the dude could of moved, he was just standing there like --.

Tina completely freaked out saying your children are never playing with him again and we're a bad influence. While dad got into really bad trouble with Shake for injuring one of his top players. So yet again grounded with nothing else to do, well aside from dinner which I'm pretty sure I hear Charlie calling us for, so as the French say au revior

Sarah


	11. Missing Mum

Dear Diary

Another quick entry here as it's three am and I'm practically dead, the only reason I'm still up is because Jake, Mike, Jess and Kim are. They all miss mum, even if Jake won't show it, Jessica and Kim are cuddling up to each other whilst Mike is glued to his blanket. Ok a blanket you may think, but what you have to understand is that when Mike was born he was premature and they didn't think he'd make it. This blanket was the last thing that Grandma Baker stitched before she died, during Mum's pregnancy with Mike she grew gravely ill and was admitted to hospital. Mum said that she had wanted to see her newest grandson before she died and some people think that's the reason she held on for along as she did.

During her hospital days even with frail weak hands and immense chest pains she stitched that cream blanket. Mike stopped breathing for about 20 seconds before luckily coming back too. He did this regularly for more of the next week, he was eventually allowed to go and see Grandma Baker and she was apparently the happiest she'd been in months. She gave him the blanket and from then on somehow the breathing stops, stopped and he was fine, mum calls in the miracle blanket. Grandma Baker unfortunately died when Mike turned two months old, but the blanket he's always kept.

Meanwhile Jake makes out like he's fine, he prefers to act all cool and fine but deep down we know that he misses her too. I tried to talk to him about it earlier though he just shrugged it off, so I decided best not to push. Well anyway since I started writing this entry I believe Jessica and Mike have fallen asleep, Kim is semi conscious and Jake well I can't really see as he's leaning against the wall with his beanie covered half of his face.

That's all for now

Sarah


	12. Mum's Arrival & Arguments

Dear Diary

Things have gotten really bad around here the house is three gazillion times messier than usual and dad had to resort to begging Nora to come round. To make things worse we called mum on her live air radio show and she found out everything. Dad meanwhile was suffering a massive defeat, which I did have to feel mildly sorry for him.

On the plus side mum's coming back home, though I don't think she's very happy dad lied to her telling her everything was fine, when it clearly wasn't. She rang saying she'd rescheduled her Opera interview at the house so dad has up cleaning up everything. Cleaning wonderful, honestly I think the house would look cleaner if you grabbed the extreme makeover team and demolish it. They spilt it up so the boys cleaned up the outside whilst we tidied up inside with Kyle and Nigel, who's idea of tidying up is shoving everything in a closet.

Mum came home and needless to say we all pounced on her, its surprising people say they want there parents to go away, but then when it happens you want them back. Anyway she got back just after Charlie and dad had a massive row over the football team and how he wanted to move back to midland. Then the governor and Shake dropped by to say how they wanted to know weather dad was committed enough.

Honestly when you think things can't get any worse within the Baker household, you get mum and dad arguing. Jessica and Kim saw them talking about how something wasn't working, which got them really upset. Then the icing on the top of the cake we got down there and Mark decided to start crying about his stupid frog, honestly like it's the be all and of life, its only a frog. Anyway we got into a massive fight in front of the opera people and mum eventually ended up sending them away. We've all been sent to our rooms where I am at the moment and that's all for now.

Sarah

Author Message as I'm getting nearer the end of the diary along side the first movie, should I continue onto the second movie, I'm leaving it up to you guys.

Chrissi xx

PS thank you for all the lovely comments xx


	13. Uh Oh

Dear Diary

Ok this is going to be a mega quick entry as a) I feel terrible and b) I have to go and help look for Mark. Look for Mark you may ask, he ran away after leaving mum and dad a message something along the line of big families suck. Anyway on to my feeling awful I mean I was always picking on the dude, I practically gave him the name Fed X, and now he's run away.

Mum's was in floods of tears but she's calmed down now and dad's just finished giving everyone directions. Nora's on her way over, most probably with the doorknob, but frankly I couldn't care today the more people we have the more chance we have of finding Mark.

Mike and I are heading of to the park with Lorraine and the twins, so I have to go as dad's yelling.

Sarah


	14. Still Missing

Dear Diary

Mark's still missing dad rounded us up about half an hour ago and told us to go home as it was getting dark and mum was worried about us wondering around. Dad, Nora and Charlie are still out looking along with Bill Shank from across the street. Mum's still worried to death; the twins are attempting to comfort her to the best of their ability, but there worried too.

Me, Mike, Henry and Jake have been ringing around like crazy, seriously I think we've rung half the neighbourhood. Anyway the kettles just boiled, so hopefully some hot chocolate will calm everyone's nerves.

Chrissi


	15. Found at Last

Dear Diary

MARK HAS BEEN FOUND!!!!!!! Sorry I thought that necessary after all the worrying, though I believe by underlining it ten million times I've run a line through my diary. Anyway Nora, Charlie and Bill came home saying that dad had gone to the train station and found Mark. The only problem being they were on the train back to Midland, I suppose that should have been the first place we should have looked really. Dad told mum not to worry and that they'd get back on the train and come back, so mum's shipped us all of to bed, whilst they stay downstairs and drink coffee or what not.

I'm too excited and slightly nervous to go to sleep though, I'm happy we have Mark back, though after the way I acted I won't be surprised if he hates my guts. All of us have taken to sleeping in Kim and Jessica's room, we've pushed the two beds together and are sitting, well some of us sleeping on it. Well Jake's moaning at me to turn the light off so I guess I have to go and try to get some sleep.

Sarah


	16. Morning After

Dear Diary

Hey yet again I apologize for another short entry as we're going to meet up with dad and Mark. Its about five am and dad just called to say the train was just on its way into Evanston, so mum got us all up. It's absolutely freezing so I've taken to borrowing one of Jakes hoodies as mine are all in the wash, and let's just say dad hasn't exactly been on top of the household chores recently.

Mike has been bouncing around all morning like a sugar crazed four years old, not that I can blame him, we all really missed Mark. Jake's running around franticly trying to find his beanie, seeing as he couldn't find the time to wash his hair. I've borrowed one of Kim's bandana's seeing as between the two of them, they have two billion. Nigel and Kyle actually got dressed and eat breakfast sensibly today, and that's something I never thought would happen.

For saying I was going to write a short entry its turning out to be quite an average length, most probably because mum hasn't yelled us to get out bums in the car yet. Oh and by the way another good piece of news, HANK IS GONE yes!!! Seriously it's about time Nora got rid of that doorknob, she deserves so much better.

Anyway mum's just called so I take it we're going, so I'll write again when I get back, hopefully with Mark's return within the content.

Sarah


	17. Together Again

Dear Diary

IT'S OFFICIAL WE HAVE MARK BACK!!!

Sorry I felt that necessary; though I should probably get you up to speed on what actually happened. Well we left to go meet Mark and Dad, Charlie drove our car, whilst intrusting Nora and Lorraine with his (What he was thinking I have no clue). We luckily managed to get there without being pulling over, though there were a few times when we got extremely close.

Have you ever noticed that in a car when you're trying to get somewhere in a hurry, it seems as if you're going three miles per hour? Well this is what it felt for the entire journey. Mike was still fidgeting in his seat like a hamster, Jake was tapping out beats on his Skateboard (he had insisted on bringing for some reason or another) and Kim and Jessica plaiting their hair in attempt to keep them awake (being awoken at 6:15 doesn't really suit anyone in our family .. even the brainy ones).

As we pulled into the car park we heard the train pull up to the station and it was like a Moshpit, as we all attempted to jump out over one another. We ran around to the platform and to our relief Mark and Dad appeared, I don't think I'd ever seen mum so relieved. We group hugged (Yes even I) and then decided it was too cold to hang around any longer, so headed back to the cars.

On the way home we stopped of a Benny's for Breakfast, I think it has to be the only time we've ever been out and behaved, there is a reason we only go to drive-thus now. It wasn't really my fault though; they put Snails on my plate!!! I wasn't even in France... then I just accidentally happened to flick it at a waiter who was carried a flaming Lobster. You don't think anyone really needs to know the rest, let's just say they needed a new fish tank and a little bit … well a lot of re decorating.

Anyway that's about all for now.

Sarah.


	18. Another Day

Dear Diary

It's surprising but I guess something good did come out of Mark's little failed runaway plan, Dad's actually spending a lot more time at home. He won't really tell us why, but he seems more happy and relaxed than he has been in a long while, so I guess it's all good.

I've luckily managed to complete all three pieces of homework I was set, so yay for me. Jake seems to be a lot happy and blasting a lot less depressing music from his bedroom at all hours. Mike well is Mike, still hanging upside down from the stair rail and abseiling from the large oak tree (mum's put a ban on the roof). Mark well he's been glued to Mum and the twins since he got back, the twins well they've been studying (what else is new). Nigel and Kyle are still trying to find new things to do with half a biscuit, Henry's got a girlfriend! Called Salina … she's rather cool and Lorraine is still her usual fashion obsessed self – though a little nicer than normal.

Nora is moving back in so Charlie's been at her and Hank's old apartment packing up and moving it back down here. Its going to be cool having us all under the same roof again… though something tells me I'll need something stronger than a lacrosse stick to break down the bathroom door in the morning.

Sarah


	19. One Table Again

Dear Diary

MAJOR NEWS!! Dad quit his job, like full on quit as in - this aint no sabbatical I'm leaving – quit. Mum spilled to us whilst we were helping with the housework earlier on, I know helping with the housework? It's been a weird day. I guess at first we all must have thought all our misbehaving had caused him to quit his job as everyone burst out into how they'd drop this and that so he'd stay. Mum then explained that it was his choice; let's just say it didn't take long for us all to take back our words.

We decided to put our heads together to show him how much we appreciated him as to put it plainly the past few months we hadn't exactly been doing that. Having spent a good half an hour searching through numerous closets we eventually found the "We Love the Coach" sign. It looked pretty good for saying we'd thrown numerous darts at it and jumped up and down on it several times, but moving on. We got mum to drive us down to the pitch, where I immediately regretted putting on crops this morning, as it was freezing. We lined up and waited for dad to come out of the training rooms, boy does that man take his time, and he complains Lorraine gets it from mum pssh.

He finally came out and the dude looked like Easter, Christmas and his birthday had been combined in one day. Short story – shorter, running and hugging which I wasn't complaining about as it brought feeling back to my semi frozen legs. Afterwards we went to "Tiffers " which is a cool little downtown dinner and had lunch, it had to have been the first time we'd all sat at the same table for a meal in weeks. Even Nigel and Kyle were behaving, well at least until it came to the last jam sandwich, but all in all it wasn't too bad.

"Well that's all for now folks" I promised Mike I'd video his new stunt which involves, a toaster, a rope swing and the roof not too sure what to make of it but whatever floats his boat – just as long as mum doesn't catch us.

Sarah

AN: eeek . it's been ages to be honest I completely forgot about this account up until recently and then I've had numerous exams, though I've written a few chapters which I'll hopefully upload this week, Sorry for the over-long wait guys. Chrissi x


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